Destiny And Brave Squirrels

So of late I’ve gotten back into video games and in particular Destiny 2! Destiny was actually the first video game I ever bought myself and while my playing was a bit sporadic and I never got through the entire story on my own I still had a lot of fun playing it. It was a good way to blow off some steam and I admit to getting a little too into it at times but who hasn’t? Really it was a fun way to get into the gaming world even if I didn’t participate in everything.

Anyway the first time around I played as a Hunter because I wasn’t comfortable with the idea of being a Titan and running head first into things and a Warlock seemed a little too confusing to figure out. I quite liked my Hunter and got very good at sniping things and sneaking around in general. It just seemed easier to not die if I could pick enemies off from a safe distance and then move in for the loot and all that.

However, with Destiny 2 I decided to start a different character because I wanted to try something new. I still wasn’t quite comfortable with the idea of a Titan since I’m terrible at running and aiming a gun at the same time when everyone is attacking me so I went with Warlock…. and I admit I have converted to the Warlock party! I really love playing a Warlock and their powers are so fun and god I can force punch people and its epic! I haven’t gotten very far (though my bf has completed the entire story for it and did so within a day of getting the game as he stayed up all night playing) but I look forward to playing more and making my own way through the game at my own pace.

I look forward to getting to blow off more steam while flying around with a flaming sword and force punching people out of my way!

 

Now on to the brave squirrels comment since it doesn’t actually have to do with Destiny (as far as I know there aren’t any squirrels but if someone finds one let me know!).

My dog is blind (as you may know if you read the previous posted about Murdock) and I am fairly sure the squirrels in our yard have realized this fact. When he’s out in the yard usually he’s sniffing around being a bit of a dork and generally having a good time playing in the grass. Recently I’ve noticed that the squirrels have started coming down from the trees even when he’s out in the yard and slowly moving towards him while watching him closely.

I think the squirrels consider it a sort of game to see how far they can get before they think he might notice them. So far I think he’s only noticed about once and that was because a squirrel made some noise and he turned and started barking but quickly lost where the noise had come from. Either way its pretty entertaining and I’ll try to get some video to share with you all!

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Eh…. Just Another Day (And an epic movie)

So I’ve been a little MIA here and that’s a problem. Mostly I’ve been going through some things that, well, have left me with little desire to write. I almost got a job but now I’ve not heard from them and that’s sad since I wanted it. I also haven’t gotten a different job though I’ve been offered pet sitting and accepted it so at least I have some money coming in. I also wound up applying to Galvanize for web design classes and I’m looking forward to that.

Really mostly my motivation has been an issue. I’ve been sad and upset and generally just not interested in a lot of the things that usually make he happy so I wound up delving into the world of books and letting myself get lost in them. It was a good break but not a kind one to my blog. I gotta keep writing and all that so that I don’t just let it slide again and again like I used to.

Well enough of my moping because I have other things to talk about… particularly Spider-Man: Homecoming! Yet another Marvel movie and frankly a damned good one! It was amusing with enough serious points in it to really showcase a full range of life for a teenaged superhero. From beginning to end it was well worth the money to see it in theaters (something I don’t often think) and I already want to see it again!!

Of late I’ve realized that I do not much care for most movies out in theaters. There are one or two that I would consider paying to see but most I’m either entirely not interested in or would prefer to wait until I don’t have to pay to see it. Its been a weird change since I used to go to movies a lot before. Still, I find that Marvel movies are always something I’m at the very least interested enough to see in a theater and usually opening weekend. I think there’s just something about seeing the way they’re building an entire universe (or really universes) with each addition that I really like. And yet, at the same time, each story really is its own story. Or at least each person’s movies have been their own story line and don’t have to have all the other movies to make sense. Frankly its amazing and I can’t wait to see how it goes from here!

Why Jobs? Why?

So I’m currently unemployed and looking for work! (Yay?) Anyway, its been a fun roller coaster ride of trying to figure out what I can do that won’t leave me a sniffling anxiety ridden mess at the end of the day. Obviously some things are easier then others and all that (not to mention everyone’s anxiety is different).

For me I’ve found that certain jobs are just way to stress inducing. This includes things like cashiering and receptionist work. I think part of it tends to be the high costumer interaction coupled with the high load of different things I have to do at the same time. Receptionists answer phones, make appointments, sort mail, greet people coming in, and general like a billion other things that require high amounts of social interaction which drains me like nothing else and also makes my anxiety go through the roof. And cashiering is pretty similar to that if at least involving a few less things but often more people.

That being said there are some situations I think I could make it work in but those generally have to do with a company or product I’m highly invested in. Say if I was selling books at the very least I adore books and reading so I feel like I could possibly handle that better. Or maybe things with animals because, again, that’s something I enjoy and can talk to people about without feeling entirely like an idiot in the deep end.

Over the last two days I was supposed to get a call from a job that I was excited for and really hoping to get but I didn’t get that call. Now, whether that was an oversight or what I don’t yet know, but I do know it was a killer blow to my self esteem and an additional stress point. I’m still sorta hoping they’ll call me tomorrow and say the job is mine but we’ll see.

Either way I have some good people around me who mean well but at times aren’t entirely helpful. For one my parents (who I adore and who support me no matter what) have certainly been pushing me to get a job and I understand where they are coming from. But at times this additional exterior stress is only harmful. In the end it makes me feel like even more of a failure when I can’t get a job or manage to deal with the job I did get (it was cashiering and even training made me come home and cry).

Others are friends who, again, mean well and want to help me. They keep suggesting a receptionist job at an optometrists that they have an in with and look at me weirdly when I decline but apply for other things. I know they mean well and just want to help me, to make things easier for me in getting a job, but its one that I know I couldn’t do for long before it would wear me down to a bare thread and leave me with no energy or motivation. I’m just not good at getting up every day and going in to a job that requires me to talk constantly to costumers while inputting information and keeping track of a million other tiny things. The very idea of it makes my hands shake and fills my stomach with dread. It makes my chest hurt and my brain whirl with too many thoughts of all the things that could go wrong.

It all comes back to anxiety and how it influences my day to day living. It creeps up when I least expect or want it, consuming my thoughts and making me second guess everything. Its frequently the reason I cannot leave my house some days or why I break down crying over seemingly inconsequential things. Its a constant force in the back of my brain that drains my energy and makes me view everything as a matter of utmost importance… and thus even the tiniest failure become overwhelming matters in which I’ve obviously ruined everything and thus I’m a horrible person and unlovable.

There are times when I know this comes between me and not only healthy living for me but all my healthy relationships. There are times when I wish that I could transfer the way I feel to other people in my life so they could understand for just a day or even just an hour but I’d never really wish this on anyone else. Still, I find it nearly impossible to fully explain why some things are okay and others are not okay. There just aren’t the right words to explain exactly what I go through on a daily basis and certainly not when I’m having a larger anxiety attack. Of course its probably also that everyone who deals with this goes through things differently and experiences things differently. No one can really say what another feels and that’s something I try to keep in mind every day of my life.

Again I’ve gone a lot deeper into this then I really meant to. I’d honestly just meant to post a light lighthearted thing about how annoy and terrible the job market can be and it devolved into me talking about anxiety and trying to make others understand it. I think I’m done for the night though because now I’m second guessing posting this which isn’t helpful or good. So now I’m going to post this before I can stop myself and just get it out there.

Weekend Camping

This last weekend my roommates, boyfriend, and I all got out of the house and decided to go camping in the Rockies! It was almost a perfect weekend for it. We did have a little rain and it was still pretty damn cold at night. However, it was still a great time and we had a lot of fun!

It was honestly really great just to get out and be in the wilderness again because sometimes you just need to take a break from everything else. It was only about a 48 hour period but it was still 48 hours with no phones, no internet, and no need to talk to anyone outside our group. It was a great time and I wanted to share some pictures with you all!

Really it was a great time and I am hoping we’ll get to go again soon! We all want to go back down to the Sand Dunes here in Colorado for a bit so we can sled down them. I’d also love to take them all camping in San Rafael Swell like I used to do as a kid. And of course we have the wonderful Rockies here in our backyard for quick weekend trips!

We wound up seeing a lot of hummingbirds flitting and diving about but not a lot of other creatures. I will admit though that my boyfriend had a run in with a black bear! He was out on his own hiking around the area not far from the camp and came upon the black bear. Thankfully he’s a big guy and knows what to do when he runs into a bear so he scared the black bear off.

Honestly its always great to get back to nature and makes me feel really good. I just feel more freed of worry and relaxed when I get a chance to go out and just be. I guess I live in a pretty good state to do that!